Forget Me Not
by starglow71
Summary: AU. Wincest! Sam/Dean. Unrelated eventually. Dean has a drinking problem and keeps blacking out, after doing bad things with his brother, of course. Will Sam say something, or will he keep being forgettable? Consensual, not rape! Schmoop, drama.
1. Remember Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof.

**Warning: Unrelated Sam/Dean. Some language, graphic imagery. Sexual Content. Dark content. **

**If you don't like Wincest, don't read! I get graphic with most of my Wincest and I don't want to offend you. **

**This will be a multi-shot, not sure how many. I'll have to see. Might make it a multi-chapter, I like the boys hunting with John again this way.**

**Plot: **Dean has a drinking problem and he has a bad habit of doing bad things he forgets the next day when he gets too drunk. Bad things he keeps doing _with Sam_, to be exact.

Will Sam ever tell him? And how would their folks react if they found out?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

(Present)

Sam moaned hotly as Dean pressed his mouth deeper onto his dick, sucking it hard, loving its taste. Dean's drunken moans fill the suite. Dean was drunk-fucking Sam again and Sam really enjoyed when he did this. Even if he picked up a chick while he's drunk, he still waited until she left and seduced Sam, usually with those petal like lips wrapped around his dick. Sometimes he got on top on it and rode him until they came clawing. By then Sam was too wound up and flipped him over and fucked him some more. Sometimes Sam sucked Dean when he yanked his hair and drank him down. Then he sometimes rode Dean's dick for all he was worth and came screaming.

This time as he was flipped to the bottom, Sam recalled the first time this happened. His first drunken bout of sex with Dean and how amazing it was.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

It was almost two years ago when it all started. Sam was alone again, and watching porn. It had turned out to be a really good one, so he actually had his dick out working himself as he watched it when Dean came thumping in and slammed the door behind him. Adjusting the salt line while leaning into the door for balance as he fixed the salt line, even drunk he _fixed_ the salt line.

Then he saw a blushing Sam flip off the television and walked over, preventing Sam from putting his dick away. One hand touched him and stroked. "You're so _huge_, Sammy. So _hard_, I should take care of that." Dean said with leer. Sam said nothing, he was just surprised. Sure, he'd fantasized about it but damn to have it actually happen was a whole other thing! Dean stopped stroking him and pressed him back up the bed, undressing him, kissing down his body and making him writhe softly now. Drunken fingers worked his virgin hole and lube was pressed in. Soon Dean was inside him and Sam's body just came _alive_ now. Dean worked into him and moaned, "So _tight_! Feel so _good_, Sammy."

They came hard together as Dean stroked Sam while he fucked him. Both shouted their orgasms and moaned loudly, Dean shouted, "Sammy!" and Sam shouted "Dean!" Then Dean held him and they kissed softly until they fell asleep, "I love you, Sammy, always have." Dean whispered softly against his ear, "With all my heart." As they fell asleep, Sam smiled happily. "I love you, too, Dean!" Sam said softly.

Then woke up to Dean in the other bed and grinning. "So I'm not the only one who got lucky last night? Who was she? Was it as good as I had?"

Sam was shocked to say the least, but forgiving. "Yes, it was very _very_ good. Best I ever had actually." He smiled and shrugged, walking naked to the bathroom and seeing what effect it would have. Dean got hard but didn't seem to notice; he just looked away and went back to sleep. "Did you see who fucked me?" Sam asked, testing him.

"Um, fucked you? As in…a _guy?_" Dean rolled over and looked at him surprise. "You're…_gay?_"

"Apparently." Sam grinned and smiled, "He was amazing last night, best ever!" Then sighed going into the bathroom and cried softly in the shower. Dean had made love to him and forgotten it, blacked it out. Then Sam got out and dressed, pretended it hadn't happened and felt his heart breaking already. He stayed though, knowing deep down that Dean loved him and couldn't admit it. Then Sam hoped deep in his secret heart that someday he would because Sam really needed to hear him say it again. He dreamt of Dean saying it again, making love to him again… _someday._

Someday came the next Friday, when a drunken Dean came stumbling in again and had Sam suck him and fucked him again. Then cuddled and said he loved him. Then moved to his own bed and _forgot_ again.

Same thing happened Saturday, and every day after, whenever Dean got _really_ drunk. He'd black out and they would fuck, say words of love, and then he would forget. Tease Sam about getting too much dick, saying they were going to split his ass in half someday. They'd laugh.

Deep down Sam was sad and wanted him to remember. But they never spoke of it. _Ever._

Dean always assumed that very satisfied sexual feeling was from sex with someone else, a girl. Sam felt proud when he said it felt like he had just had amazing sex last night, knowing it was him, _Sam,_ who had given him that feeling.

Another time, Sam pulled Dean beneath him and fucked him. Dean moaned and shouted loudly and they moved hard and deeper into each other. Then they had clawed and came screaming for more. Sam fucked him hard again and filled him with his cum, over and over again.

Of course they cuddled and said they loved each other, kissing.

But when Dean woke up, he assumed he had finally got around to guys now and joked with Sam that he wondered if they had the same tastes in men. Sam was sure they did. He didn't want to freak Dean out so he said nothing.

So he did another test. To see how drunken Dean would react to Sam with another man. So he left a note, saying where he was, knowing drunken Dean would come back to fuck Sam later on that night. And if drunken Dean was anything like regular Dean, then he would go looking for him.

The bar was fairly empty. Good. Dean would have good view when he got here. Sam had dressed his sexiest for this encounter, wanting to attract someone for sure. He had never done this so he assumed this was how it worked. He had only ever been with Dean. He and Jess hadn't got around to sex yet. He had never had sex. He just figured they'd wait, get to know each other. Not even as a kid, had never wanted anyone either. Until he saw Dean. His brother so godlike, coming out of the shower while he was brushing his teeth one day when he was twelve. His heart beat faster, his mouth got dry, and his dick got hard as a rock. Dean headed out and Sam jacked off to thought of Dean's body dripping wet, and came for the first time. After that, he relished it when Dean thought Sam wasn't paying attention and walked to the bags naked or in a towel. He came from him then.

Then worked his fingers into his ass at fourteen, picturing Dean doing that to him, like the guy on the porn channel had done to that other guy. He stroked himself at the same time and came shouting Dean's name. Cleaning off quickly after doing it two more times because it had felt so _good_!

He wanted to brain every girl that flirted with Dean but settled for monopolizing his time so maybe he could have less time to fuck them, when all Sam wanted was for Dean to do that to him. College had been better, there had been Jess. Granted, he had loved her, not as much as he loved Dean, but yeah, he had loved her. He loved her as much as he could. Was going to propose and have a honeymoon, make love to her. Then the fire took her away, while Dean's arms pulled him away as he screamed for her. Her death seared into his brain forever.

A tear slipped out for her, one tear. Pathetic really. She deserved more.

"Hey, handsome." A male voice said and Sam looked up. It was a blonde guy, with green eyes, like Dean's. He got hard at that thought. His eyes swept the man's body and moaned. Body similar to Dean's too. Sam's hand moved to the man's ass and stroked it. Damn, such a firm ass, too. Maybe Sam would let him _really_ fuck him if Dean didn't show up.

"I'm Sam." Sam said taking his hand and feeling a hand move up his thigh, stopping at his hard dick. "That's yours if you want it."

"Yeah, I'd like that." The man said, stroking him lightly now. "I'm John."

Okay, coincidence on the name but, hey, if he kept touching Sam that way, he could be named _Bobby_ and he would _still_ scream it as the man fucked him!

"Let's take this outside, baby." John whispered and Sam nodded, both leaving quickly. They ended up in John's car and the man was sucking him now. Sam grabbed his head and looked around, not seeing Dean yet. Saw a shadow move though. He touched his knife then relaxed, it _was_ Dean. He recognized his sexy silhouette against the fog and light. The man lay him down now, pulled his legs up. Was lubing him up when the car door opened. A loud punch followed and a thud, and Sam felt himself tugged upward. His pants were pulled up and Dean growled. "_My_ Sammy, no bastard touches My _Sammy!"_

Sam didn't ask what took so long; he didn't care. He had his results. Drunken Dean was just as possessive as he had hoped he'd be. This thought didn't last long. Soon as they were back to the room, Dean undressed him quickly and then himself. Kissed Sam hard and pushed him to the bed. Once inside him again, he fucked him all night and they cuddled and kissed lovingly as the sun rose over them now, dick still inside him. "You are mine, understand? No one gets to touch you _ever _again, am I _clear?_" Dean said jealously, biting a mark into his shoulder hard. See if the _fuckers_ missed _that_ one!

"All yours." Sam said softly and smiled, "No one touches you again either then, Dean!" Sam meant it.

"No one but you." Dean promised and smiled, "All I want, all I ever wanted was you, Sammy. I saw you watching me when we were younger. Heard you jacking off and calling my name softly as you came. Turned me on. Didn't dare let you know though. It's why I went naked and in towels around you so much, I liked you looking at my body. Watched you when you fingered your ass sometimes to the pornos, came from watching you through the window. Wanted to be inside you when you came then, saying my name the way you did then. I loved you then, baby."

"Me, too." Sam agreed and slept now. Later, he felt Dean pull out of him and leave the bed. Felt so cold without his warm arms to hold him now. Dean slid under his covers while slipping on boxers. He was soon passed out. Sam waited to see if he'd remember this time.

He didn't. Just complimented him on his love bite and went to shower. Sam rolled over into his pillow and cried…again. So much for just Dean and just him!

He headed to a bar now and proceeded to get plastered too. Dean and he fought when Dean came to get him and he passed out back at the room. Dean could tell something was hurting his brother now but Sam wouldn't say what. He still resolved to find out. He just assumed he would tell him after he apologized to Sam. Which he did when Sam woke up. And still Sam just glared and didn't say a word.

Dean was worried. And headed to a bar. Got drunk again.

And came back to make love to Sam again, telling him he loved him and he was sorry. Sam told him the truth, and feeling bad for hurting him. He vowed to remember this time and not hurt him anymore. Sam hoped it was true. But the next morning, Dean was back in his own bed and had forgotten _again_. It was worse than a split personality. At least they had an _excuse_.

Sam was getting tired of this shit now. Tired of feeling _loved _then _forgotten_ and then _loved _again.

Something had to be done, and soon. Or he was going to throttle Dean when he stumbled in drunk someday; _see him forget that one!_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(present)

Sam knew the camera was getting this. Every bit. Dean fucked him harder now and Sam gave into his pleasure again, the feeling of Dean making love to him this way. "Dean…so good…love you…tired of you forgetting me…fuck…remember me!" He looked at the camera with begging eyes, "I love you, please be mine?...don't forget me again!" Then he came moaning and screaming with Dean who arched with him and filled him over and over, making love to him the rest of the night and letting Sam take him too.

They cuddled afterward and Dean looked into his eyes. "I love you, Sammy, always. Marry me?"

Sam had no idea what to say, surely he would just forget it again but, hey, he had say it or burst with love for him anyway. "You sure?"

"Yes, fake identities and all. At least we can be together." Dean said, "No one needs to know. Maybe we could invite Dad and Bobby. If they accept us, that is."

"But…you'll forget _again_…you _always_ do!" Sam cried now, not able to handle this now. Not a marriage proposal. Sex was one thing but this, this marriage _thing_, he wanted it too bad to let it be forgotten. He thought of the camera, figured now he would show Dean and maybe see if he meant it. "Yes, baby, a thousand yeses, I'll marry you!"

They kissed now and made love some more. Then cuddled and said their 'I love you's. Then Dean went to his own bed and slept later that morning. Leaving Sam cold and lonely with a camera recording everything.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Damn Sammy, you got _kinky_! A camera? Can I see?" Dean teased and Sam sat up, smiling smugly. This was even better than he hoped. Getting Dean to see the video had been the hard part; he had the rest planned out already. "Go ahead, you might _like_ it." Sam agreed, getting up now.

Of course, the _proposal_ was on there and Sam _really_ hoped Dean meant it. Or he was going to be hurt for _real _this time!

Dean rewound it and watched, shock on his face, desire there too. He watched the whole thing while Sam dressed, knowing Dean would need time to digest the proof that it wasn't just Sam having the incest, it was him, too. They both had wanted more from each other than brotherly love here, and that camera was solid proof of that!

"_What?_ I mean _we_…_I_…" Dean stuttered in confusion. Not remembering doing that but obviously he had, well, _they_ had. Sam spoke to him, the him now, on camera, begging him not to forget him _again_! As if he could, but _obviously_ he could. He had, _hadn't_ he? "How long…have I…we…been lovers?" Okay, Dean hadn't believed it before but _damn he had amnesia from hell! Next he would be asking his own damn name!_

"A little over two years now. You get really drunk and we make love. Like clockwork. I tried to see another guy but you showed up like I figured you would, beat the hell out of him and brought me back to our room and said I was only yours and I said you were only mine, then we made love some more and then you _forgot…again."_ Sam admitted. "This time you _proposed_ and I meant every word. I would marry you, if you still meant it."

"But…we have to stop this. It's not…" Dean said but was cut off with an angry look from Sam.

"Yeah? And the next time you get too drunk you will be back making love to me and saying that shit to me _again._ _No thank you!"_ Sam said, "You won't _stop_ it. You know it's how you feel, how I feel. Nothing will stop it no matter _what _you do!" He knew this was true. Deep down, Dean did, too.

"I could cut down on the drinking." Dean said softly, not knowing what to do here now. How did he deal with this…without sending Sam running away, that is? Obviously Sam was right, he would do it again. He always did. That much was clear from the tape, and the fact they had been lovers for over two years now. Forgetting Sam that way hurt his brother, he now knew why Sam got pissed so much now, and got drunk and fought with him more lately. And _wouldn't_ say why. _That_ was why and _damn_ didn't Sam deserve to be drunk _more_ if that was just a _small _piece of _their _love lives!

"_Fine_, here's _my_ counter point, _quit_ drinking or quit coming home drunk and _fucking_ me, and telling me you _love_ me! Either way, you have to do something if it bothers you _that_ much! It _didn't_ last night and it sure in the hell hasn't bothered you for _two years_ now! So deal with it or just fucking _get away_ from me. I'm not a _freak _and neither are you for wanting this for us. I love you _that_ way, _too_, Dean! I _know_ you love me that way, too, somewhere _deep _down, you _do _or you wouldn't keep coming back to make love to me, _would you? _I'm not some _whore_ you just get to use and _forget_ about! You love me and you've shown me that. Just cause you don't remember doesn't make it less _true!_ If you cared at all for me, you'd do some of that soul searching you try to _avoid_ and be honest with yourself _for once_. Either way, I am just going to have to wait. We'll get separate rooms and deal with it. Either way, you need to face this or I will leave and I will _never_ ever come back!" Sam said and sighed, holding out a peace truce to Dean, "In the meantime, I'm hungry. Let's get some breakfast."

"Yeah, uh, that's a _good _idea." Dean agreed looking troubled then sat back down. "Get some to go. I, uh, um, need to think. I don't want to lose you and I know you're right. I need to figure this out and soon. Don't want to do separate rooms, want you in this one with me. Don't want you to go away and never come back again _either._ I…I'm _sorry_ I …I ….Sammy…just get some breakfast, give it an hour or two. I'm not leaving either. I just need to think this out. I never knew I was…_fuck_…I _messed _up. Did I hurt you…when I…did that to you the first time? It was your _first_ time, _wasn't it_?" He could tell from Sam's face it had been.

"Yes, but I meant what I said that morning. It was the best sex I have ever had in my life, the most _amazing_. You were always amazing when you touched me that way, when you kissed me, when you made love to my body before you made love to me. I can't help _feeling_ this way, Dean. _I love you_. I _know _you love me! You just keep _forgetting._ _Like I'm forgettable or something. _That part _hurts!_ _You're all I've ever wanted!_ I don't want separate rooms either, _hell_, I don't want separate _beds!_ I want to share the bed with you, have you hold me when we sleep, telling me you love me like you always do after we make love. I don't want to leave either but we need to do something about this. I don't want to grow into an old man who has the man he loves _only _when the guy is _drunk!_ I don't want to die waiting for you to admit how you _feel _about me and settling for being the guy you only _love_ when you're _plastered!_ I deserve _better_ and you do too. You deserve to be loved by me and I deserve to be loved by you. We belong _together._ We've proven that and you just forgot it. Please, baby, I _can't_…" Sam said softly, grabbing his jacket and heading out, "I want to be with you _sober_ now, can't settle for drunken Dean all my life. I want _all _of you! I'll…be home tonight. You're right. We need time to think."

"_Sammy_…" Dean said sadly and watched Sam go. He had to fix this, fix them. He started this mess so he had to clean it up. Even if that mess was falling in love with Sam and not knowing it. Leave it up to him to lead such an interesting love life! He knew Sam was telling the truth; Sam didn't lie _that _well. So if Sam _wasn't_ lying, then Dean had _really_ done all that and needed to deal with it…_right now_.

Or quit drinking, what a fucking _horrible_ thing to do when you got drunk! Some people fuck loose women or men then black out. Not _him,_ he fucks his own _brother_ and then expresses true love to him. Fuck, he was a _bad _man here. Sam loved him and not in their usual _brotherly _ways. Hadn't for a while now. But did he feel that way? Well, he was the one that was drunk-loving his brother and making him fall deeper in love with him. So, maybe he _did._

Did he want to _not_ see Sam on the other bed every morning? No.

Did he want to have separate rooms? No!

Did he want to see him leave someday because he couldn't be loved back, when he knew Dean did just _that? Hell, no!_

So he forced his way through the haze in his mind, struggled to find what he had forgotten. It was hard at first and nearly impossible. Then he heard it, a moan of pleasure. His name falling from Sam's lips. He followed it to back to the rest of it. Sam beneath him, deep inside Sam, thrusting hard. Kissing his body and his lips. The feel of his skin and muscles underneath his hands. Moving together as they came, such powerful orgasms they had! Cuddling and kissing him, "I love you, Sammy. With all my heart." He felt that happy feeling fill him now that he had felt then. The sense of Sam belonging to him now, seeing the same look in Sam's eyes.

Then he remembered everything, all of what he had forgotten when he had been _drunk_ and stupid enough to _forget_ it! Everything flooded in and he felt it. _Love_, love for Sam, wanting _forever_ with him. The _jealousy_ at seeing that other man almost touching him. It explained that flicker of hurt Sam had hid every morning after that Dean had let go of, _all because he didn't want to know!_

He also knew he had meant what he had asked in the video. He wanted to marry Sam. Be his forever!

He jumped up and grabbed his coat now, realizing it was four hours later. And frowned. Where would Sam be? Hmm.

He could pull the GPS thing.

Ten minutes later, he found him. Here at _motel?_ Huh.

He looked outside and had to smile. Sam was in the car, eating lunch. Probably getting crumbs in it, the _jerk_! But love overrode that annoyance. Sam was here and he could make him vacuum it later. For now, he just wanted to make it up to him, for _all_ that he had done. _Somehow._

Starting with going out to talk to him.

Dean went out now and shut the door quietly behind him. Sam saw him coming and looked uncertain. Was he uncertain about being with Dean still, had he changed his mind? Not likely, Sam was a stubborn soul; he hardly ever changed his mind once it was made up. Or was he uncertain about what Dean had to say? Dean pulled off his ring and held it, making up his mind to get Sam a better one later. _Not _what Sam deserved. He would get him a real ring later, Sam _deserved_ that much. Two years and so much hurt to make up for. If Sam would let him and not get separate rooms or separate beds, or leave him for being such a bastard to him.

He would quit drinking too. It had hurt them both too much to keep doing it. Damn, he didn't deserve Sam's love, he really _didn't._ However, he still got in the car and leaned over, and kissed Sam for the first time, or at least it _felt_ like his first time doing it. Drunken memories of kissing him didn't come close to how it felt now. He couldn't resist deepening it some and pressing Sam to the seat, and sliding hands under his shirt now to caress his bare skin for the first time sober.

Damn, it felt so _good_ to be with him _this _way! Dean moaned and stopped himself before it got too far, but it was too late. Their pants were already undone and their dicks touched and rubbed together. Dean moaned and kissed Sam more as they moved harder and faster against each other, and their breaths hitched now as they felt the pleasure pull through them. They came crying out from it! "Dean…_love you!" _Sam said with tears in his eyes, shouting it into Dean's neck. "Sammy, _my Sammy. Love you, baby!" _Dean moaned and cried a little too. Both so happy they couldn't resist kissing some more as they sat up.

"Baby, so _sorry_. I remember now, all of it. I hurt you _so_ much." Dean whispered as Sam cuddled close and sighed sadly, playing with the skin on Dean's stomach that showed.

"Only when you _forgot_ me." Sam said softly, "The rest I loved and it didn't hurt. Well, the broken promises hurt, too, but I forgave _them. _You hadn't known you had made them really. Could you keep them _now?_ You said you remembered them."

"I'll keep them now." Dean agreed and held out his ring, "Starting with the one we made last night. Will you marry me, Sammy?"

"And you'll just be with me and me with you?" Sam was uncertain; he couldn't share him _anymore!_ Not with him remembering now.

"Just with you, baby. What do you want? Anything you want!" Dean promised, "It's my wedding gift to you."

"A home, Dean, a home for us. Maybe one of those airstream things, add a hitch to the car. No more motel rooms. I can cook for you there. They have stoves and everything. Get a Coleman thing like Bobby has in the basement. And a diamond, someday a silver ring, not yours, with a diamond or two. I have earned them. I don't want to quit hunting, honest. I like helping others and, well, we're _really_ good at it! I just want some stability, plus it would save on motel money and stuff. It would be _ours_, baby. Let me be _yours _and love me _forever!_ That's how you can make it up to me. Maybe gifts and…flowers?" Sam gave him a nervous look in case he laughed at him, per usual. "I like _white_ roses. Sorry. White chocolate, not the dark stuff. Also our names tattooed under the anti-possession tat's. If its not too girly, that is?"

"Not too girly, Sammy." Dean smiled, slipping the ring on him now. "Gonna make an honest man out of you." He chuckled at Sam's look. "_Okay_, let you make an honest man out of _me_! Fine, yes, reform _your_ man-whore."

"Damn right you're mine!" Sam teased, "Forget me again and I _will _remove your favorite body part."

"My heart? Sorry, Sammy, you already have it!" Dean teased back and they pulled out now, going to remedy a situation. First he bought Sam flowers he picked out and kissed him softly, smiling as the clerk chuckled. Then he bought him a box of white chocolate, liking the look on his face as he ate them , seeing how much he liked them, he decided to buy him more and keep them on hand for him all the time now. "Can I try one?" He asked curious. Sam fed him one and Dean had to admit they were _delicious!_ _Definitely _keeping some on hand now. Sam had _good _tastes. Then they headed to a tattoo parlor and got each other's names under their anti-possession tattoos. The guy asked to photograph their tattoos to add to their collection. The boys let them. Another way to help others avoid demon possession, sneaky, but effective! Then they added their names beneath them and covered them with the salve and gauze.

They went back and packed. Headed to Bobby's, calling Dad about their news telling him they would be with Bobby and to call back. Bobby wasn't _too _upset and agreed to attend their wedding, even if it _was_ with fake ids and not worth the paper it was written on. But it was written on their hearts and that's all that really mattered to them. Dad showed up surprisingly and was okay with it. He had seen it in them as kids but had known they hadn't acted on it. He also had a surprise for them, adoption papers for Sam. Sam was a friend's kid and, when the man died, he had adopted him. So he only asked to give him away at the wedding. For _real,_ not _fake_ like they had planned. _They would really be husbands now!_ They were thrilled and hugged him hard, also glad he was okay.

They also discussed trailers with them, trying to get ideas of where to find some good priced ones that were in good shape, too. It would be their home now. They wanted it in as best a shape as they could get it. "I know a guy, ex-Hunter, has an Air Stream trailer. It's only about a year old. Bet I could get him down to a good price you can afford. How much you got?"

"6,000." Dean said and shrugged. "We go cheap a lot and hustle a lot. So I've been saving it up. Guess I knew at some level we'd need it someday for this." He blushed then frowned. "So sorry, Sammy, never meant to forget you that way. I guess I knew I wanted to marry you and stuff even when I did it. I love you, baby."

"Love you, too. Knew you felt that way, didn't matter if you remembered or not." Sam reassured him and pulled him in for a kiss, to show he was forgiven. Dean smiled then and they looked at the others again.

"Forget him? When did you forget him?" John asked and narrowed his eyes.

"Um, had amnesia from a hunt for a bit." Dean lied and John just looked at him suspiciously.

He didn't buy it at all.

Dean and Sam shuffled in their seats awkwardly but didn't elaborate. Both men suspected there was more to it but those boys weren't saying it. So they gave up for now. They knew a lie when they heard one though.

"Fine, _amnesia_. Right." John agreed, giving them a look. Letting them know he knew they were lying but was letting it go. At least, they were happy now. Dean would never do anything to hurt Sam, so it was probably consensual. Sam was Dean's life and they all _knew_ it, especially them boys.

The wedding would be a Vegas one and, with his real birth certificate, Sam would able to really marry Dean, for _real _this time. They headed to Vegas soon after with John in his truck, John insisted. Bobby took his car and followed them.

Dean found a silver wedding band with two diamonds in it, not really big ones but _still_, he could get him bigger ones later. It cost him a couple thousand but it was worth it. They tossed in a silver band to match it for Dean, engraving the rings for them. "For My Sammy, love you forever, D." It said. His said, "Love forever, S."

Only initials since they were hunters and names gave them away. But still, Sam insisted on Dean's saying that. So they did it. The next day they headed to the most manly chapel they could find. The others were too flowery and over-decorated for everyone's tastes.

This one had a trellis with white roses, Sam's favorite flower. The vows were simple; they had written their own. Brief and to the point. A lot more written between the lines that only they heard and understood. A lot the others suspected them of leaving out of them but knowing they wouldn't tell them. It was a hurt they had healed and did not want to open again. Their fathers knew those hurts too. So they let them keep their secrets, but hoped they had healed or the pain would come back and hurt them more later.

After they had exchanged rings, and they had kissed, the men took them aside and laid down the law about the secrets they were keeping.

"We won't push to know the truth but there is something you aren't saying and it is healed and probably hurt you both badly. Just make sure it is healed or it will come back and tear you apart later. I hope it isn't that you raped Sam but I suspect it's not. Something worse probably, broken hearts type of thing. Make sure you have fixed it or it will destroy your marriage later. Trust me, we love you and know you are happy so we are letting it go. Just be sure the hurt is gone or it will come back!" John said and they looked sad, nodding. "Wish you would tell us though. Might help to talk about it. When you trust us enough."

"We trust you, it's just that…well, I'm very ashamed of myself and Sam…I broke his heart so many times." Dean said and sighed. "Sammy, I am trying to make it up to you. Do you want me to tell them? I will if you want me to."

Sam considered it and said, "Only if you don't get mad or judge him, or me. It's the past and we've fixed it. I won't let him tell you if you don't promise. You have to promise to listen and forgive him like I have." Sam gave them a hard look and pulled Dean close. "I forgive you, baby. It's okay. They choose to be mad at you then I'll leave with you, no matter what. My place is with you, always has been." Then he turned to them, "You won't like what he says but if you so _much _as utter a word against him, we're _gone!"_

"We won't. Just tell us. How bad can it be?" Bobby asked, not sure but having a bad feeling about this one. Suddenly _not_ wanting to know. He looked at John and John had the same thought; he knew the man too well _not_ to know it.

"_Fine_, sit over there. _Don't_ attack him." Sam said protectively and they did as Sam asked.

"It all started two years ago, even though we had always loved each other this way for years." Dean began and then continued, not looking up for most of it. Too ashamed to face them. An hour later he had got it all out and sighed waiting for their reactions.

Which were just what he expected. Of course Dad was the first to react; Dean had expected that part.

xxxxxxxxxx

John got up abruptly and punched a wall. Dean went to calm him down and had Sam stay back. He had to make this right with Dad.

"Dad, I'm _sorry._ It just _happened_." Dean tried to reason with him.

John looked like he wanted to punch him but dropped his hand, remembering his promise to them. "It didn't _just_ happen. You _raped _him and forgot about it. Then got drunk and did it _again_! That _shit _doesn't _just_ happen." John growled and added, "Can't believe my own _son _would do something like _that!_"

"_Not_ rape, we both wanted it. You know how we felt for each other before that." Dean said and John glared.

"Fine, you _fucked_ him and _forgot_. That was _so_ much _better!_" John said angrily, "And somehow you both fell in _love?"_

"No, we _already_ were! It just came out when I got drunk. I loved him and we made love. We both felt that way." Dean urged, "I would _never_ rape him! I did seduce him, I admit that. But we loved each other, and I know there is no excuse for what I did. I'm making it up to him, I _am._ Anything I can do, Can't believe I _forgot_ that way! I've done _everything_ I can to make it up to him. _Everything,_ won't stop _either."_

"So_ what happens when you get drunk again? What if you're angry next time? You could beat him up or_ _kill _him, and just _forget_ that too. If you hide your emotions and they come out when you get drunk. What happens when the darker ones start doing it? Have you considered _that!"_ Dean felt a punch hit his jaw and staggered back, pushing Sam away. He had earned that punch and more. "You _bastard!_" John said.

"It _won't!_ I _quit_ drinking! I won't risk that again, _never again_. I _know_ it could have been a worse emotion than love, you don't think I _know_ that! It scared the crap out of me when Sam showed me tape. I hated what I had done. I could picture it being so much _worse!_ _Damn _it, Dad, of _course _I quit!" Dean felt another punch and turned to see Bobby shaking with rage.

"Tape? You _taped_ it!" John growled and Dean shook his head.

"No_, I_ did. So he could see what he was doing for _himself!_ Dad, I made the tape to _help_ us." Sam said softly and John flicked worried eyes at him. Then back at Dean.

"_Boy!_ I should kill you _now_, or give you the beating you _deserve_. How _stupid_ were you? Sam, you should have just told him, what if it had been _rage?_ Would you have let him _beat _you, _kill_ you instead!" Bobby growled and Dean cringed. This was _why_ they hadn't wanted to say anything!

"I would have told him. It was _love_ and I could handle that. I thought it was the only way he _could_ love me." Sam admitted and was met with sad green ones.

"Sammy! _No!_ If you had told me, I would have loved you _sooner_, baby! _Never_ think that, you didn't have to endure _that_ to have me love you. I already _did!_" Dean said softly and cringed as Sam pulled him in his arms, kissing him.

"I know that now. You promise _never_ to drink again?" Sam asked worried, Dad had a point, "I don't want it to get me hurt next time."

"_Never again_, I won't touch the stuff again_, any_ of it. I'm so _sorry_ and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I _promise!_" Dean swore and turned to his fathers again, "I _promise_, I _do!_"

"You drink again. I will make sure you _never_ see him again! You black out again and hurt him, I will _kill_ you for it." Bobby swore and gave Dean a pointed look. "I _mean_ it. If he'll forgive you, I'll try to. But alcohol is your _demon,_ son! You let it in and it _possesses_ you, makes you do things only a possessed person _does._ You let it in _again_ and it will be the _last _thing you _ever _do; I will drop you like the possessed thing you _will _be then! I don't _care _how it hurts _him_; I won't let you _hurt_ Sam again."

"Dean, I hate to say this but he's _right_. I know you love him but you could have hurt him. That was _wrong_. You _know_ it was wrong. And as forgiving as he is about it, he _knows_ it was _wrong_, too! So I will let this go for now, for _his_ sake. But if you _touch _that _crap _again, I will make you _regret_ it, my son or not. You were reckless and playing with his life that way. I can't help but be afraid that next time it won't be love, it will be rage. Can you handle killing him or hurting him and not remembering it, _could you!_ _Answer_ me, you say you've accepted your _blame_ like a man, so answer me like _one!_" John raged and Dean sighed.

"No, I _couldn't_. I _can't_ be without him, would kill myself and follow him if I did _that_ to him." Dean said and Sam looked worried, not wanting Dean dead that way or himself. "Don't worry, baby, I won't touch it again. _No more,_ _not_ risking it again! I _promise!"_

"You hurt him and I swear I _will_ kill you, Dean. Touch a _drop _and I will beat you within an inch of your life, you _got _me? Son or no son_, I will end you!"_ John swore and went to the door, slamming it on his way out. "Ashamed to call you my son now!"

Dean drooped and felt his heart break at his words; Dad angry he'd expected but ashamed of him, wow, that hurt! He turned to Bobby and sighed, "Hit me too." Sam reached for him and he shook him off, taking his punishments.

"I'm with him. You hurt him and I'll _help_ kill you." Bobby said softly then sighed, hugging him anyway as he cried now. "So _sorry_, won't drink anymore, don't hate me_, too!_ Please! I've lost Dad, don't make me lose you too! Won't drink anymore, _never _hurt him again. _Please don't hate me, too!"_ Dean sobbed and felt hands on his face and back, Sam's. Sam forgiving him…_again._ Forgiveness he didn't deserve. "Sorry, so _sorry,_ Sammy!"

Bobby saw John approaching, with a softer look in his eyes at the sight of Dean sobbing. A father's worry on his face. "I don't hate you, Dean. Neither does John. I promise. You just have to be careful now that you know you have this problem."

"Yes, he _does!_ Dad hates me!" Dean said feeling his heart breaking, Dad, his father, hating him now. Not that he didn't deserve it but…_still._ "_I'll die before I drink again_!"

"I don't hate you, son." John said touching him and turning him to face him now. Dean's face was tear-stained and his eyes _so_ full of pain. "I'm just mad you were so careless with your brother's life. You _knew_ better. But it doesn't mean I hate you. I love you both_, still_ do." Dean held him tight and cried on his shoulder now.

"_Sorry!_ I'm _sorry!_" Dean said over and over. Sam was helpless to do nothing but watch and want his pain to go away. "Dad, don't leave again, don't hate me, _please?"_

"Don't hate you, never did. Won't leave over this, but you have be _careful!_ Stay _away_ from it, don't let it in. Bobby's right, Sam may have demon blood but _you,_ you're addiction is as bad as his could have been. Alcohol is the _demon _in you. Only yours is _worse_ than any demon I've ever met. It kills and then leaves you alive to deal with the consequences, don't you _see _that? It doesn't fry the host and kill you like a demon does to them. It leaves you to break under everything it made you _do_, son!" John said softly, rubbing his son's back as his sobs became sniffles. "It could have been so much worse, you _know_ that. You got lucky this time. Don't play with his life that way, or yours."

"I _won't."_ Dean promised, "Thanks for forgiving me somewhat. I deserved so much worse." He hugged his Dad and surprised him with peck on the cheek. "I love you, Dad. I'll take _really_ good care of Sam from now on, I _promise!_ I love him with all my heart."

"I know you will. And, yes, you deserve so much worse. Here's hoping the rest of it doesn't catch up to you." John said and Dean nodded, he was of the same school of thought. If you deserved worse and only got a little, the rest that you deserved would catch up and make you pay the rest later. Evil sons of bitches had the same thought all the time. You go after it, miss something and it _will _come back and_ bite_ you in the ass later.

Dean prayed it wouldn't be the case this time. He just wanted to make Sam happy now; he _always_ had. That's all he had ever _wanted_.

In the meantime, they settled into their rooms for the night and rested. John lay in his bed and worried for his boys, praying Dean kept his promise. Sad for what had happened to them but happy they were married and the way they wanted to be.

Bobby lay there thinking his boys had dodged a bullet this time and prayed Dean stayed away from the gun. He knew how hard it was fight an addiction and he knew Dean would have to work every day to stay sober but knew he could. For _Sam_, he could do it.

The boys lay in their room and kissed softly.

"I really _won't_ do it again, Sam." Dean reassured him again, and kissed down his body now, "_Never _gonna hurt you again."

"I know that." Sam smiled and felt desire fill him as Dean took him in his mouth now. "I know you love me."

"Yes…" Dean said licking up the bottom of his dick now and grinning, "I do."

And with that, he held out the lube to Sam and smiled. Sam got the point. "How do you want me?"

"Anyway I can get you, of course." Sam teased then smiled as well.

"All right, smart ass! You know what I meant." Dean laughed and Sam shrugged, "On your back, I want to play with you while I make love to you." Sam said and Dean complied.

Sam went between his legs and let his tongue taste his hole, something Dean was _sure _he had never done to him before. His tongue circled the hole and coasted around the rim, going in a little then going out then going deeper as a finger caressed around it at the same time. Dean writhed for moment then came screaming for more, "Fuck, Sammy, do that _again!"_ He cried out and Sam did it again as he lubed up, and when Dean came for him again, he thrust in and Dean's body rolled under him with a loud moan, and a cry of "Sammy!", the pornographic kind. Sam took him slow and made him writhe and roll more, as Dean moved back into him and met every thrust. Sam could feel him tighten onto him now and smiled, and moaned as well. He felt so _good_ this way. It had been _so _long since Dean had let him fuck him this way, _months _really. Dean came alive when he bottomed; Sam knew that and used it.

He worked his hips until he felt Dean tighten so hard it almost hurt him and Dean cried out in pleasure, "Fuck!...do that _again!_" Then Sam rolled his hips so he hit that spot every time now and Dean really came alive now. "Sammy…nuhhh…_baby!_" Dean was down to babbling and Sam had to push him further. He kissed up his body and sucked in his nipples teasing them with his tongue while rolling his balls. "_Sam_…!" Dean screamed and bucked harder against now. Sam could feel his lover's orgasms coming now but wasn't done yet. He moved up to the neck and bit and sucked his ear and along his jaw. They kissed now and it deepened, driving their lovemaking to become harder and faster, taking Dean deeper than ever before, stroking his dick now in hard and fast strokes.

Their orgasms hit them at the same time and they both moved together furiously now.

"Fuck! SAMMY!" Dean screamed as he came and Sam was unable to do anything but scream as well, and moaned loudly as they rode out each one. Soon they parted and cuddled.

"Wow!" Dean said breathlessly, "That was, fucking _Wow!"_

"Yeah!" Sam agreed, "That covers it."

"What made you think to do that tongue thing?" Dean had to ask, "Cause that was _amazing _feeling."

"I forget. Wait, what did we just _do_ again?" Sam teased, and Dean flipped them now. Sam lay pinned below him, "You might have to do it to me, I seem to have _forgotten _ what we just did…"

Dean kissed him hard and chuckled, "Sexy _fucker_, no more forgetting, nah uh! Gonna make you remember, baby." Now he kissed down Sam's body and rolled his nipples as he licked them softly, then moved lower. "All mine now. _Never_ forgetting this with you again, Sammy!" Now Dean sucked his dick until Sam moaned more then moved lower, lifting his ass and doing what Sam had done. Running his tongue around it and tracing the rim with it then thrusting it in a little then more at times, finding that spot inside him and stroking it with tip of his tongue steadily now and Sam arched like a champion diver and forgot to breathe as deep moans poured from his lips and he came hard with a keening cry. Dean just grinned and did it until Sam came several times then lubed up and slid in and went deep hitting the same spot again. _"D!"_ Sam screamed and moaned, head going back and eyes rolling into his head, then moving side to side as he gripped the headboard and flexed his arms hard as he gripped it with all his strength.

Dean watched as all of his muscles flexed now and moaned, taking him slow as he could then going harder the more his body flexed. Gloriously flexing, Dean thought. Every muscle hard and standing out, rolling together, moving in harmony. Sam was…perfection! The thought made him cum hard and squeeze Sam hard and jerk at him twice to make him cum hard for him too. Their orgasms burned like flames now and consumed them as they rolled together, kissing and Sam clawing at his back and ass, then his thighs, digging the nails in and drawing blood. Dean was sucking on his neck right then and sucked and bit at a spot until it bled, lost in their pleasure still.

They lay there gasping and Dean felt the painful scratches and bruises Sam had given him just now; but couldn't find it in himself to bitch too much. They would be feeling this sex for _days,_ the scratches included. He touched the love bite and smirked. "You'll remember me _now."_

"Yeah, I will." Sam said seductively and smiled, "And once I can get hard again, so will _you."_

"What? But we _just_…damn _nympho_ husbands!" Dean groused happily and smiled anyway.

"Stop bitching and come here, Baby." Sam said playfully and Dean cuddled closer. Liking this one bed idea already.

"_Not_ bitching." Dean said running hands down Sam's body and stroking his dick until he hardened again.

"Dean, what are you _doing?_" Sam said, not the _only _nympho in the room _apparently!_

"Fuck me _again,_ baby, make me remember _more."_ Dean said softly, seducing his lover again. This time he knew he'd remember and that he intended to love this man for the rest of his life now.

"Mmm, I can do that." Sam agreed and pulled him on top, guiding his hips as they made love again. "Gonna make you remember so much you scream for me, D."

"I always wanted to ride a _horse_." Dean said and kissed him hard, feeling his desire and pleasure multiplying inside him already. "And, baby, you _are _as big as a horse. Stretch me so _good,_ Sammy!"

"_Neigh_…" Sam teased and moaned, thrusting up more now, working his dick while Dean reached back and fingered Sam's ass while he rode his dick. They did this for over an hour and then Dean rolled Sam's balls as Sam stroked him. They were moaning and crying out loudly now, _both_ of them by now. Then moaned, "Cum with me, D, _cum with me!"_ Sam begged and then felt Dean clamp hard around him and Dean cried out now. "_Yes!_" Now they came together and fell spent on top of each other, gasping.

"I'm _done_." Dean said softly, "You _broke _me, my _Horsy_ lover."

"Mmm, yeah, I did." Sam said and cuddled with him now. Dean spooned him into their usual spots; Dean the big spoon, Sam the little one. Dean kissed his shoulder then sighed happily one last time.

"I love you, Sammy, forever now. _Never_ forgetting again. Thanks for forgiving me and not leaving me. I didn't deserve a second chance." Dean said softly, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Not letting you forget me again. As far as forgiving you and not leaving, it wasn't really an option, I knew you loved me already, but I _meant_ what I said. You touch another _drop_ of alcohol and I _will_ leave you. _Never risking it again!_ I love you and I will always try to give you a second chance like you do for me, but drinking does something to you and I don't want to be its victim anymore." Sam said sadly, "There's an AA meeting in every town, maybe you could go wherever we are hunting, huh? I know they have others there who blacked out, might want to leave out _what_ we did when you blacked out for the most part but, well, they could help you stay sober. You drank too much for it to be _that _easy to stop. You're going to have cravings and be tempted, can't even have one sip, _not one_! You will end up drinking more and blacking out again. Um, maybe Bobby or Dad would be a good support for that. They both drink, drank more as I remember, just as much as you did. Now they barely touch it. Hell, Dad doesn't drink at _all_ now. Maybe he could help you stay on the wagon."

"I'll talk to them in the morning." Dean said and felt his jaw hurting already. _Damn_ those men punched _hard_, and knew there would be bruises in the morning where they had clocked him good. He wasn't mad, he had deserved them both. Sam owed him _quite_ a few. Hopefully they would _never _punch him again. Those bastards hit like bags of _bricks!_

Both men moved closer and slept peacefully now. Finally sure Dean would _never _forget making love to Sam again, in fact tonight's bout of lovemaking was seared into his body and brain, most pleasantly so.

The next morning Dean hesitantly approached the others and asked them to help. He explained Sam's idea for the support to quit drinking.

"It's a good idea." John agreed and smiled. "I had a someone to help me when I quit too. It was hard to not drink those first few months, years really. One drink sent me on binges, blacked out a few times, too. Had to renew the quitting thing every time. The meetings helped, too. I could do that for you."

"Um, Dad, we know you're busy and all, what with getting Azazel last month and now his minions are getting frisky. But would you consider hunting with us? We could watch your back and maybe spend some time with you. There's two beds in the trailer Bobby mentioned, we checked the specs on it. It's a pretty good sized trailer really. Would you live with us in it? Travel with us? We're worried you'll die on us early and we just got you back. _Still _our Dad." Dean asked and sighed, "I could really use you close right now. Like you said, it is hard to quit and I really might need you. I have to go in bars all the time on hunts and, well, the alcohol could get tempting. I know it's a lot to ask and I know you hunt alone but…_would _you? I _can't_ do this alone." Dean already wanted a beer and he had just woken up. He used to have one in the morning to take the edge off. It was a minor craving but _still_, it would get stronger later. "I usually have beer in the morning and later on, more. _Already_ want one. Not bad but _still_. I promise not to drink but I don't want to risk slipping and it happening again. I'm afraid I'll fuck up again and lose Sam forever next time. I don't trust myself around it right now." Dean said looking down in shame, hating what he used to be like. For wanting what he knew he _shouldn't_ want anymore. For what he'd done to Sam.

"I'd love to." John said hugging his son and knowing what he was thinking. "You won't fuck this up, I _won't_ let you. As far as the bars, me and Sam should go in your place for a bit. And be with you whenever you do go. It's easier to slip back into it at the beginning." John chuckled, "Plus I would like to spend time with you two. Got stocked up on earplugs last night. You boys got loud!"

"Sorry, I blame Sam for that." Dean teased and kissed Sam quickly. "He drives me crazy."

"Yeah, it was all me…yeah right!" Sam said sarcastically, "Fuck me some more!' Yeah that was me, uh huh."

"Deeper…please!' That _so_ wasn't me, not the _first_ time it was said at least." Dean said chuckled. "I rather _enjoyed _making you scream _that_ little tidbit."

"Me, too. I love it when you beg for more. Sure, I do drive you crazy on purpose but damn you are so _sensitive!_" Sam chuckled back and tried to tone their teasing down at their Dad's annoyed expression. "Um, Dad, you haven't changed your mind, have you? We're just bickering, we do this sometimes. We plan on doing this all day today really."

"No, I don't mind. Although, cut down on the sexual innuendo as much if possible." John said and knew they wouldn't but had to ask for the sake of his sanity.

"So no _horse _references to Sam's _dick?_ Damn, had so many of _those,_ too!" Dean teased and ran a hand along Sam groin, leering.

"Mmm, and no _tight_ ass remarks about _Dean_, either? Had a lot of those, _too_." Sam chuckled running a hand along Dean's ass as he said it.

"I'm ignoring you now." John laughed and walked away. "Let's go, Bobby says he has a wedding present for you two at his house." John got in the driver's side and smiled smugly, "And I found us a Hunt."

"Already? You work fast." Dean said reverently. They knew he could practically smell a hunt but this was _scary _fast.

"Speaking of fast, '_Faster!_' was your favorite phrase last night, both of you!" John chuckled and they looked at him with mouths open in shock. "What, you are the only ones that make sexual jokes, please! I'm older and, besides, you boys give me _so _much ammo!"

Both boys laughed with their Dad and then they headed to South Dakota, bickering playfully and joking again.

As they pulled into the yard they saw it. A big trailer of blue and white. And they knew it was theirs! The colors needed work but, hey, it was _home_! They parked and ran out to see Bobby by the Impala grinning. They looked down to see a hitch on the Impala and the trailer was already hooked up. "My Wedding present. Guy owed me one. Got it for 3."

They hugged him hard and smiled happily, going inside and inspecting it. "I filled the cupboards and fridge, you have dishes and stuff too. Bedding for the rooms is in that cupboard and I transformed that pantry into a weapons trunk, pull out that handle." Bobby said and they pulled it, a long rack pulled out and there were several weapons on it and room for more if they wanted to add it later. "I also got the warding done and there are traps everywhere in here so you'll be fine. You have to do your own salt lines but otherwise you're fairly well protected. John knows how to do the electric and water stuff, so he can teach you that. Um, here are the keys to it. And enjoy it. It's pretty nice for a travelling home really."

John tapped on the door. "We're burning daylight here, boys, case is getting cold. Let's get going; I'm driving."

Bobby gave them a look and they chuckled. "You heard the boss." Dean chuckled and headed out, Sam behind him. They locked the door and hugged Bobby one last time. "See you later. We'll be in touch , Bobby. Love you, old man. Be safe."

"Always, take care of that old man of yours, too." Bobby said and John beeped the horn to hurry them up. "Better get going, you know he's not that patient."

"Yah, we remember." Sam said and took Dean's hand. "You're in the backseat with me, baby. I want to cuddle some more."

"You got it, Sammy." Dean agreed liking that idea already. Then got into the backseat shutting the door with a thud. "Impatient _ass!"_

"Yup, cases don't wait, boy, taught you that." John chuckled, "You _ever_ going to sit up here?"

"Nope, want to cuddle. You got the wheel for now." Dean happily agreed as Sam kissed his ear and neck. "I just want to spend time with Sammy and talk about this case you found us. So _spill_, Dad. What's deal?"

"Santo, New York. Hookers are being sucked dry, several so far. It's a bar. Same one they always visited for days before their deaths. I think it's a incubus. Once it runs out of hookers, it's gonna go for the other women." John said and looked comfortingly at Dean. "We can go to the bar and you can work the laptop. There's a campground there. We'll get the place hooked up and you can stay there. We shouldn't be too long."

Dean had been worried. Dad _would _pick up on that! Dean groaned but knew he needed to avoid bars as much as possible for now. Didn't make him feel less like a sissy though. "Thanks." Dean said softly, hating his situation. He had gotten himself here so why was he bitching? So he shut up and let it be.

"Dean…" Sam said hugging him and touching his face softly. "It's okay to feel awkward, not less of a man for it, _honest._ You going to be okay?"

"Yeah, life's all fucked up now. Too afraid to go to a bar or I might drink again, yeah, so _manly_ there. Don't worry. I'm sulky, mad at myself. I did this to myself I know, I'll just _deal._" Dean said leaning into Sam and going quiet. Sam and John watched him and wished they could help more.

"Um, I got a list of possible pimps that need checked out. I suppose someone could check that out." John said, looking at Dean in the mirror. "I did it, too. I avoided bars for a year before I set foot in one, liquor stores, too. I went through what you're going through and it sucks but try not to blame yourself so much. Placing the blame will only make you more stressed and need to drink more. Let it go, _forgive _yourself already, or you will _never_ be able to handle this."

"I'll try." Dean said realizing he was right; he was doing all of those things. "So you don't think less of me because I won't go to a bar?"

"No, I actually think that is best really, son. A smart move. You and Sam check out the pimps, I'll do the bar. Then Sam can join me at the bar and you can do research on the laptop. Probably not much on my end, they were hookers so most move around a lot. I will try though, Sam, join me when you get done, okay?" John said and was proud Dean was dealing this well.

"Sure thing." Sam said and smiled, "Proud of you, D."

"Thanks." Dean said softly and smiled now, "I'm trying."

"Keep trying, it will get easier. I got your back, baby." Sam said and asked, "Not to sound like a kid, but how much longer?"

"Two or three hours at most. Take a nap, you're in charge of dinner, _champ._" John said grinning, knowing Dean was the better cook out of all them anyway.

"Why _me?"_ Dean said and knew why; he just needed a good bicker to cheer up.

"We're doing all the work and you are _lounging_ at home. So _cook,_ earn your keep, son." John teased and saw Dean smile again. He knew they bickered and it cheered him up, always had. It was how Sam used to cheer him up and it cheered up Sam at the same time. Hell, they got that from him, John always liked a good bicker, too.

"Slave masters! I need an apron, a flowery one with the frill things. Plus, lingerie, the lacey kind. For Sam, he's such a girl that way." Dean teased. Sam rolled his eyes and smirked.

"At least I can watch Wizard of Oz without cringing." Sam said, "Can _you?"_

"Well, stick you in a room full of clowns and you want to _cry._" Dean teased back.

"Then stick you both on a plane with _both,_ during turbulence, and see who pisses themselves first." John added, that would be _funny!_

"That would be Dean, stick him on a plane and he can recall every lyric Metallica ever wrote instantly. He'll hum it the _whole_ time, _literally._ Add in the _midgets_ and he would _so_ piss himself first." Sam said and was sure it was true.

"Yeah, add in the _clowns_ as flight attendants and make them _happy_ and _homicidal,_ and you are _so _pissing yourself first!" Dean said, knowing this was true, too.

"_True_, but I wouldn't mind hiding in the bathroom and having mile high sex to pass the time either…can we add that to the scenario?" Dean asked, nudging Sam and wiggling his brows.

Sam laughed and John did, too.

"_No!"_ John said grinning.

"_Yes!_" Sam said leering.

John _knew _they would be all for it. _Horny _newlyweds. _Ugh!_

"We're _so_ adding it." Dean chuckled then Sam laughed, too.

"We so _are!_" Sam added.

"I am so _flying_ the plane and _locking_ the cockpit." John teased and huffed.

"Hey, Sammy? _Cockpit,_ wanna come into _my_ cockpit? _Eh?_" He ran a hand along Sam's thigh anyway, seriously thinking Impala sex was in order _soon_. She needed more _Sammy _Sex in here! It was going to be so _fun._

"So _going _to." Sam leered and thought Impala sex was going to happen, too.

"_Not_ going there, _ugh_, nasty _minded_ men! You are _both_ so _bad._" John chuckled and knew what they were thinking. After supper, he'd rest and he'd let them have their Impala sex. It would keep it quieter that way.

"Not _bad_, just _creative._ You're the one who came up with the plane idea. We just…_added _to it." Dean said and John rolled his eyes at them.

"Yeah, never thought you'd take it _that _far." John said and saw their exit coming up. "We're here."

They found the campground and checked in, paid for a week. Then got their permit and found their spot. Once they let Dad show them how to hook up the power, water, and tube for the sewer, They headed out. They dropped Dad at the bar and headed to the coffee shop for the free wi-fi. They checked into the pimps and got some addresses, got their costumes out of the trunk, changed then headed to the first one.

They all hoped this panned out or they would have to look somewhere else. Dad was right, the pimps _might_ know more.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Up next: Interviews and Impala Sex. Plus they hunt it down. Stay tuned.


	2. Hunting With Dad

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof. I do however own Catarina, although all thanks goes to Kissacazador for helping me create her and letting me add her to this storyline, thank you! John was lonely.

**Warning: Unrelated Sam/Dean. Some language, graphic imagery. Sexual Content. Dark content. **

**If you don't like Wincest, don't read! I get graphic with most of my Wincest and I don't want to offend you. **

**This will be a multi-shot, not sure how many. I'll have to see. Might make it a multi-chapter, I like the boys hunting with John again this way.**

**Plot: **They are on the hunt for an Incubus who is targeting prostitutes. They run into another hunter that ends up snaring John's interest and inflaming his body. Surely he'll get her attention, Winchester Style of course.

Not to mention our Men finally got to have their Impala Sex and damn don't they enjoy that one immensely.

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Sam and Dean talked to the pimps as community outreach counselors. They asked the usual questions. Did the girls mention anyone lurking nearby? Stalking them? Being watched? Had they been approached by anyone suspicious?

This got them some distrustful looks but eventually they got their answers. All the girls had felt like they were being watched at the bar and outside it. Some were followed. They had told their pimps what the person looked like.

Tall, blonde, male, creepy eyes. A Crazy leer on his face. They wrote this down and headed back to the bar.

They parked outside it and Dean cringed again. "You sure you don't need me? I'm not used to not being with you when you do this part. Will you be okay?" He eyed the place with worry and a touch of want. "I won't drink if it means you are safe!"

"I'll be with Dad, don't worry. He'll protect me if anything tries." Sam reassured him and kissed him hard, "Besides, I have to be okay to get my Impala Sex from you later…" He gave him a seductive look and Dean smiled a little now, it faltered soon after and went away.

"I'm sorry I fucked this up so much. So scared to go in, so don't trust myself around it…such a coward." Dean teared up and wiped them away quickly as Dad approached them now, worried. "Dad's waiting. You should go." He sounded so sad it broke a part of Sam's heart now. "I'll do some research at home."

"Dean…" Sam said softly, sensing his lover's pain and not knowing how to fix him. "It's okay. You just have to stay away from it for now. We got this part. I'll be home soon."

"Yeah, I know. Better go, he's coming to get you." Dean pointed to their Dad who was right there now.

Sam got out and shut the door softly. "I love you, D."

"I love you, too, Sammy." Dean said, smiling a little again, "Be home soon, okay?"

"I will." Sam said and waved as Dean drove off.

"He okay?" John asked, Dean seemed unhappy there.

"Yeah, the whole hiding from Alcohol thing is bugging him. He feels like a coward." Sam admitted. "I can't help him with that part."

"No, you can't. He has to do it for himself or he will never quit drinking. He had to find the strength on his own. Just love him and be patient with him, he'll be okay eventually." John said, heading back in now. "Come on, son, let's get some leads now. This place is a dive! They don't even have a pool table." John complained.

"Yeah, I miss Dean already. Let's get this over with. Anyone flirts with me, I'm sending your way; you need laid, Dad." Sam teased and John teased back.

"No need for sloppy seconds, son. I can get my own, not that old and crippled yet. I'm still a stud, you know." John joked.

Sam thought his dad was still a very handsome man and in really great shape, too. So he knew his dad spoke the truth. He was just ribbing the old man. They got the same description blond and leering from several of the regulars there. He had been inside a few times and had lurked in the alley, and gave off a creepy vibe. He had been seen in the alley before every death occurred. Then he was gone each time.

This didn't bode well for them. Next they mentioned if he'd been around lately, watching anyone in particular? Did he seem to stare at one type over another?

He had been watching a woman that had been coming in for a few days now, a prostitute of course. He had followed her out of the bar several times and they had shooed him away. A brunette. They reflected that they already had picked up the pattern of brunettes but the stalking beforehand was something they hadn't thought of before. They left soon after, both with drinks in front of them but not once touching them. Sam didn't want alcohol on his mouth when he kissed Dean Hello, didn't want to torment him that way. John just didn't drink at all, hadn't for years.

So he stalked them.

Now they just had to find the hooker, Charlotte. She was the next target and they wanted to make sure they got her away from its reach until they killed it.

They managed to find her in time but the thing had her pinned to a wall when they did find her. They killed it and waited for the thank you but were disappointed. John got a punch instead.

"You fuckers, you ruined my hunt! I had him where I wanted him and you killed him. He was mine and you took my victory. I didn't want your help!" Charlotte growled, wiping and sheathing her knife back again. "I'm Catarina."

"John Winchester. My sons, Sam and Dean. Well, Dean is, Sam is his husband." John explained offering a hand.

"Oh, the Winchesters, should have known you'd show up. Heard you were close by. Kind of hoped you wouldn't get involved with my hunt but you did, oh, well." She shrugged and headed to her truck now, a big black beauty of one, almost identical to John's. "See you around, I'm out of here." She said and John watched her go, entranced by her body and hardening but still staring in wonder at her.

The boys knew love when they saw it. The 'knock your socks of and take me now!' kind, love at first sight. John was smitten.

"We could follow her…" Dean suggested and John blushed, walking away in embarrassment.

"No, let her go." John said and slipped into the backseat, "She don't need us to." His hand still caressed the place where she'd punched him, a bruise was forming. Woman knew how to punch, he gave her that much.

"Okay, but…you should get her number, just in case she needs us…" Sam wheedled and John nodded and ran over to her. It looked like they were arguing but they saw her write her number down and hand it to him anyway. Then with an annoyed expression and an eyeroll, she pulled out and left.

"You're match making, Sammy." Dean teased and Sam nodded.

"He has a right to be happy, too." Sam protested and grinned.

"You are such a girl sometimes." Dean teased then kissed him anyway, wishing they could have their Impala sex now. "_Want_ that Impala sex!"

"Soon, we'll leave the trailer and park somewhere I can have my wicked way with you later, you're going to scream, Dean." Sam whispered against his neck and ear now, hands slipping lower down Dean's body and making him gasp in pleasure and need.

"How about you drop me and then continue this '_wicked way'_ thing, shall we?" John said as he spoke through the cracked window, and they parted to let him into the backseat. "Drive, my horny sons, drive me home."

They settled for cuddling in the car and dropped him off soon afterward.

It was time for his Impala sex, Dean thought happily.

And after two hours of sucking each other and Sam fucking him on the trunk then the hood and returning the favor to let Dean fuck him, they came clawing and kissing and bodies rolling in pure lust and pleasure now, until they both came screaming and rested for a second then got in and Sam rode him dick as the dash hit him in his back as they writhed now and came once more.

Sam fell against him, head nuzzled into his neck and shoulder and smiling happily, hugging him. Dean held him there and sighed now. Both were spent but not too much so. They could make love again later if necessary. Then Sam got off him and they drove home. "That was fun!" Sam gasped, still feeling the sex in his body and in his stretched and aching ass as well. "You need to ride my horse later…."

"I love riding you, baby, you are my favorite horse after all." Dean teased and Sam grinned, nodding. It was true, he was really big but so was Dean, it was family gift really, and he loved to share it with his husband as long as he could.

"You better, no more dicks for you but _mine._" Sam said jealously and Dean squeezed him tighter.

"Nope, all yours." Dean said and they smiled now as they pulled up to the trailer and parked by it now. "Home sweet home." Dean said happily and he caressed the trailer's outside, like he did the Impala. "_Our_ Home!"

"Yes, our home." Sam agreed and they went in now and they chatted with John as Dean got supper ready for them and dished it out.

"There's a demon thing here." Sam pointed to it on a map, "Bet she's headed there…"

"No, we aren't following her." John swore but did feel the urge to do just that. He was worried for her…or that was the extent he was admitting to right now.

"Uh huh, and you aren't planning to go there in the morning?" Sam asked knowingly and John blushed and glared at his annoying son now.

"Maybe, it is a demon thing after all." John said and smiled at their looks, "Not to see her, _not_ following her! But if she got hurt, she might need us, so we should check it out anyway." john said and knew he had just talked himself into following her, something he hadn't wanted to do to begin with.

"Yeah, the _demons_. We have to stop the _demons_." Dean said smirking around his steak bite and ate it hungrily. Eyes dancing with amusement now.

"Yes, the demons must be stopped." John agreed and they let it go, knowing better.

He wasn't going for the demons, although they were important, too.

John was going so they could find that woman again and maybe John would get to talk and spend time with her more than before.

No, John wasn't in denial but he was lying to himself.

And even the boys knew it.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that night, Sam felt hands on his body, and not the cuddling way either. "Dean?" He whispered and heard a gentle chuckle, "Shh, you'll wake Dad, loud mouth."

"What are you doing?" Sam whispered and moaned softly as Dean took him in his mouth and sucked him hard. "Dean…" Sam moaned and wanted more, wanted to be inside him now.

Dean stopped sucking him now and straddled him, moving down onto him and Sam struggled to keep it down, but found himself get louder as Dean rocked his hips and moved up and down his dick over and over until they both gave loud cries and fucked up into and onto each other now and the trailer rocked gently with their bodies, in rhythm to their desire now. Soon Sam came with a loud moan and guttural cry of Dean's name and Dean gave one that was Sam's. Then they lay on the bed and cuddled, kissing softly and whispering again. "I love you, Dean." Sam said, kissing his neck as he nestled his face and body more into Dean's now, arms around his back.

"I love you, too, Sammy." Dean said and put his face into Sam's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his husband's back.

They slept now and John smiled with them. They were happy and safe now. He could live with the sex as long as he had them with him now. He would protect them and would be better than he had been to them when they were little and traveling like this. He was sorry for not being around more and wanted to show them he wasn't going anywhere this time.

And he _really _wanted to see Catarina again.

That female Hunter was _hot!_

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	3. Following Catarina

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof. Catarina is based on a friend of mine, Kissacazador, my FF best friend! She helped me and suggested her for a character.

**Warning:** **Unrelated Sam/Dean. Some language, graphic imagery. Sexual Content. If you don't like Wincest, don't read! I get graphic with most of my Wincest and I don't want to offend you. **

**Plot: **John has decided to follow Catarina, much to his chagrin and at his sons' pushing and nagging. But when she ends up in a fire surround by Demons, he finds himself feeling very protective of her, not to mention annoyed by the infuriatingly stubborn woman who seems to despise him for no reason, something that puzzles him. Will he ever find out why she hates him so much?

And can they keep her alive long enough so she can talk to him about it?

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Cat got the salt laid and backed up fast, praying the circle held. Demons, fucking demons. Her wards were shot, fuckers had the place burning around her and she was trapped. At least she'd die human, fuck!

Strong hands grabbed her as the smoke blinded her and she gave an hmmph! as she was hauled over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Another pair of hands were pulling boards from a backdoor and they leaped through it just in time, as the place turned into an inferno.

Coughing on smoke and ash, she felt herself sitting on metal and looked down to see a black hood under her. She looked up to dark eyes and dark hair with some silver on the sides and groaned. Him! It just had to be _him_. Of course, just her luck. Her body responded to his proximity but she shut it down fast. Nipples got hard and fire surged through her again and she stared in lust but repressed it again. Looking away, she summoned up anger; that would get rid of the guy!

"Let me up, I can get myself up without your help, thank you very much, John Winchester. Not to be ungrateful, but what the Hell are you doing here!" She growled and sighed. She had almost died, she could be nicer…she saw the hurt look in his eyes and flinched, "Thank you." She grumbled and dusted herself off.

"We found the same signs you did, and just happened to be in the area. Didn't expect you to be here but saw your truck out front, checked on you. Thank goodness we did, too. You into suicide missions or what! You should have gotten out of the building…" John said and worried, she took too many risks and it would get her killed, and really soon, too.

"It was surrounded by demons! It was either burn to death or be possessed and/or be killed painfully. I chose burning, thank you very much." Catarina spat but was unable to shake the boys as they cleaned her cuts and bandaged her, sitting still as their gentle touches fixed her up. They were persistent things, she had to admit, but…they were nice men and only trying to help really. She didn't want to hurt their feelings, too.

John just…got under her skin. Made her defensive. Insidious desire touched her again and she ignored it. The kids were great but the Dad…he was…something else entirely. Too…attractive for his own damn good! Hers, too.

His dark eyes looked into hers and he growled, anger hitting him, too. "Fine, next time you get close to dying, I won't help, I'll just let it kill you! Are you always this…!" He bit back the word and growled, "I won't say the word but you know what you are being!" He stalked off and left her staring at him, "You are being stupid, Catarina, and taking stupid risks! I have been hunting a very long time and hunters do not live long by taking the risks you take! Sure, you are skilled and talented, I'll give you that, but the shit you're pulling, skilled or not, will get you killed sooner. I know you don't like me and can't figure out why but…could care less compared to thought of you getting killed! You don't have to like me, you don't have to tolerate me; hell, I'm sorry my presence makes you feel such loathing! But you do owe it to yourself and the people you fight with and for to stay alive and do your damn job right! My job is _not_ to be liked! Hell, most of them hate me, dislike me, or simply can't stand me! Most of them have a right, I'm not a good man all the time; I've fucked up and got others killed, and I regret that! Some just hate me on general principle! Demons follow my family around, looking for ways to kill us, and we have to live with them and it scares others off; can't be helped. We didn't ask for this life, it chose us! It probably chose you, too. I save people, I kill the bad things, and I damn well will not apologize for being good at my damn _job_! I will however pass on some advice." He leaned in and touched her face softly, kissed her cheek and smiled lightly, eyes searching her face fondly, "You keep up your behavior and bad judgments, keep pushing others away and eventually…" He stood now to leave and the boys followed, "You _will_ end up alone and unwanted, just like me."

They shut the door behind them quietly and she stared at the door. Pride tried to insist she had been right but…even she knew it was wrong. She had been wrong. She had almost gotten killed and John was right.

He just…fuck, what was it about him that bugged her so much? He was sexy, smart, tough and damn good looking, but he was also abrasive, blunt, stubborn, and mouthy as hell! He just…made her want to rip his clothes off and take those sexy lips with her own.

She wanted him. Desired him. She hadn't wanted anyone this way for years, and…she wasn't used to it. He got under her skin because he made her want to run her hands over his naked body everytime she was close to him. His voice turned her hot and wet. She had to deal with this…but for now, she chose to ignore it.

But she did call him, he'd earned that much.

He answered on the first ring, clearly laughing at something his sons had done or said.

"-ala Sex is not happening tonight! I need the car tonight." He muttered and she heard them chuckle. "Hello?"

"John." Catarina got out and his laughter died as he got quiet. Yes, his feelings were still hurt. "I'm sorry I was so defensive. You were right, I was stupid and foolish. I'll be more careful next time." She licked a lip and rolled her eyes at her next words, groaning, "I do have a hunt I'm going to next, a werewolf thing…"

"Want some company?" John asked, not mad anymore, eager to help. "Where's the hunt?"

"Maybe." She said hesitantly, "If you have the time. It's a few miles away, New Port, Iowa."

"Nope, got nothing going on. Glad to help." John said smiling. The boys high-fived in the backseat, smiling smugly. John ignored their knowing looks and sighed. "You want to…um, never mind."

"What?" Catarina asked and waited, was he doing what she thought he was doing? "Don't go coward on me now, Winchester!"

"Would you consider having supper with us when we get there? Dean's a great cook and…" John sighed, "We got a spare room you can stay in." He eyed the Impala's back seat, looked like he was sleeping in the car tonight.

"I'll take it, ain't got room money anyway. Can I help cook supper? To repay the favor, don't read too much into it." Catarina said and got quiet. "Thank you for...the talk and the room."

"No problem, we'll call once we're berthed." John said and hung up.

"Good work, Dad. Now you just need to woo her." Sam said and smiled happily at his Dad.

"She's just staying the night. Not what you think, son." John said and even he heard the lie in his words.

"Yeah, just staying the night and eating with us. Nothing more to it. Okay." Dean said and they smiled but didn't say a word.

Silence filled the car and they sighed.

"And maybe we'll take a walk later, talk some more." John said softly and smiled a little.

The boys wisely said nothing but chuckled internally. 'Attaboy!' echoed in their minds but remained unsaid.

At least they were getting along and maybe going on a walk, getting to know each other.

It was a step, a really small one but still…a step in the right direction.

Even if it meant that Dad had to squeeze his too tall frame into his son's car for night.

Then they laughed and he shot them a look, and they gave him an innocent look.

He was going to be _so_ stiff in the morning!

Xxxxxxxxxx

Catarina eyed the car seat and frowned. Obviously he wouldn't fit there but…he had insisted. She felt a warm feeling in her chest, touched he'd do this for her, that stubborn man! She headed in anyway at his commanding look and watched him climb over the seat and shut the door. She felt uneasy leaving him alone there, for someone that demons wanted to kill so badly, he was taking a risk exposing himself this way…

"It's warded; the car." Dean whispered by her ear. "No demon touches my baby, not even a fingertip. It's got wards everywhere, carved them in ourselves. Don't worry, he'll be safe. Uncomfortable but safe." Dean chuckled, his sexy lips curving up in a smile as Sam slipped him a look and he shook his head. Sam frowned and nodded in agreement. No sex tonight apparently, and he had new cuffs for them to try, too…oh, well. "Let's get to sleeping, seven comes quicker than one might think." He finished, taking his lover's hand anyway and kissing him softly, "Gonna claim that ass later, baby. Never you worry."

"Better. I'm letting his love life interfere with my orgasms here." Sam teased and whispered, "Hope he's happy with my sacrifice, I really wanted your dick in me tonight, pounding in and …." He trailed fingertips along Dean's groin and Dean moaned softly and then was forced to stop by Dean's hand that grabbed it hard in his own. "Spoil sport. I'd settle for sucking you and doing it that way, too." He eyed the bathrooms down the way with obvious hinting.

"Settle in, Catarina, we're going to use the bathroom for a minute…or hour…be back soon." Dean said and they practically ran there. She shook her head and headed in now, still worried about John. Peeking in she saw him sleeping, curved in a ball of sorts. He seemed okay so she went to lay down.

A gentleman, wow, he really was a gentlemen. She thought in amazement. She hadn't met many of them in her line of work. She wondered if he…surely he had his share of women, as good looking as he was, he could be charming, and surely losing Mary hadn't affected his sex drive that much. Was he a one-woman guy or…was he like them? She didn't mind him being gay really and, if he was, she wouldn't judge him but…she really wanted him to be straight and wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, hell, no! But…she bit a lip and slipped into the car now. Sitting in the front seat, not satisfied with leaving him alone out here. She got comfortable in the front seat, using her jacket as a pillow. Finding sleep easily now that she was sure he'd be safe, a knife and gun on the floorboard where she could reach them quickly.

John would be safe; those boys needed him. And she reluctantly faced a truth she herself had been avoiding, too.

She needed John Winchester, too.

And, fuck, she prayed he wasn't gay!

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

John woke up to soft breathing, and knew it wasn't his. He sat up and groaned as he cricked in several places; he really didn't fit in here! John groaned again and a soft sigh sounded now, and a mussed, but very beautiful Catarina peek over the seat to see if he was okay.

"Cat?" He asked in surprise. She smiled softly at his surprise.

"I didn't feel right leaving you out here alone, so I joined you. Just to be on the safe side." She said and held up a gun. John laughed and nodded, sitting up the rest of the way now.

"What time is it?" John asked and noticed a light dimly lighting the sky and the light fog of dawn touching the grass nearby.

"Six fifteen." She said and sat up and cricked a bit herself. "John, I have been dying to ask since I got in this car to sleep with you, are you gay? Do you play the field, you know lots of men? Women? Bi?" She waited for these answers expectantly.

"No, not gay or bi. Just women and not so much these past few years. I don't do one night stands or casual sex, so I don't do that much. I mostly look for women I can be with longer, maybe have relationships with. My job doesn't exactly loan itself to that kind of thing, so I usually settle for being alone." John answered and saw her surprised, "What? I'm such a good looking guy I must be fucking everything under the Sun? You seriously thought that?" He laughed at her blushing look as she looked away. "You?"

"Same here, I don't do casual sex either. I…used to pick up men but my job tends to get them killed so I just gave up for the most part." Catarina admitted. "Evil shit doesn't allow us love lives, I suspect it's a luxury us hunters really can't afford most of the time."

"Yeah, I noticed that, too." John agreed and then hesitated, "They won't be up for an hour so…would you like to get some coffee? There's a café in that convenience store up front, we could get some, bring some back for the boys, some donuts or something."

"Sounds good to me. Just do me a favor." Catarina said and laughed at his look. "Just share the damn bed with me next time. We each take a side. Surely you won't ravish me the moment we hit the mattress, right?"

"No, I won't but…if I wanted to, would you let me?" John asked and she blushed again, and he looked embarrassed. "I shouldn't have said that, I just had a thought and it came out, sorry!" He muttered to himself, 'Idiot!' now. He tried to escape the car but found himself trapped. "Cat, no need to respond to the question but…can you get out so I can, too. I'm a bit squashed back here."

"Oh, sorry!" She gasped and opened the door, getting out. John popped the seat forward and crawled out stiffly. Slowly standing and adjusting his spine again, he looked at her with regret.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." John apologized and bit a lip, "It's just that I like you. More than I should. I barely know you and…I desire you and I should be subtler. The boys say I'm more like a bulldozer, going for what I want and barreling in head first. Dean's much the same way. Sam, he takes after his mom, he goes more for the slow and easy approach. I really would like to have coffee with you." He pled with her and she nodded smiling.

"I'd love a coffee." Catarina said happily, taking an arm as they walked away now. Her fingers caressed the muscles under the shirt fabric and she got wet at the feeling of them. Man was muscled and hot, she could tell. Fuck, she wanted him to ravish her! "And the ravishing thing? I wouldn't mind us doing that at a later date, I really wouldn't. I'd like to get to know you first but…not too much. I would love to be in your bed, John."

"Um, wow, yeah, me, too." John said and gulped nervously, "We'll do that then." Then he smiled and she melted. Such a sexy smile!

"Yeah, we will." She said and smiled back, "I'm parched, coffee?" She quarked a brow at his erection and he blushed, looking away she laughed.

"Coffee, definitely coffee." John agreed and tentatively touched her fingers with his own. Head down. She let her finger entwine with his and they held hands now as they walked. Both feeling more relaxed about this thing between them.

It wasn't love or…whatever the boys had but…

It was something special, they could tell that much.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Sam tested the cuffs and eyed his lover hotly. Dean was sucking him hard and he was so close to cumming already, "Dean!" He moaned, "Close, too close!"

"Uh, uh, just paying you back for last night." Dean responded, rolling his balls with his hand again. "You fucked me but good last night, Sammy. Damn near sucked my dick off, too. You were an eager little slut, weren't you?"

"Yes, but…you started it." Sam argued as best he could as all the blood fled his brain and poured directly into his dick. "You and the bathroom thing."

Dean had let him suck him in a stall and fucked Sam hard for over an hour into the side of the stall when they had gotten in there, both moaned and crying out, and cumming loudly at least twice before he let Sam go from the stall wall. He'd had to sit on the toilet or he'd have fallen to the floor, legs boneless for a minute. Sam in his lap, cuddling his face into his neck as he tried to breathe again and regain control of his legs and body sometime soon. "That felt…so good!" Sam sighed happily and pulled him in for a kiss, a deep but slow one, full of simmering passion and want, their usual kind. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Dean had responded and held him tight for a bit longer, savoring their naked bodies touching skin to skin this way.

Then they had dressed and headed to the trailer where they found Catarina not in it and found her in the front seat of the car, sleeping. She looked happy. So they left her there and continued their sex. Sam had pulled him under him and sucked him hard, Dean moaned loudly and growled in desire as Sam worked fingers into him now.

Then he'd thrust in and took him slow then hard, deep, shallow then deep again, until they exploded into faster and harder, pounded into him as Dean clawed the bed and his back as they did the same the rest of the night, sucking each other and Sam fucking him hard again and again until they passed out from it.

Now it was Sam's turn and they were most certainly enjoying it as he thrust into Sam and started slow but ended up pounding him with his legs pressed to his muscled chest and Sam screamed his pleasure, turning into Dean's whore then, as he usually did when taken hard and fast by Dean. Both men came with loud cries as Dean came several times into Sam, filling his ass completely until he leaked from it. And Sam came all over their torsos, then licked it of Dean completely and Dean licked it off him, both smiling seductively still. They practically fell into the small shower and sucked each other in turns until the other came in their throats as they washed each other off. Kissing happily into the wall long after the water was turned off and cuddled for a minute. Sated and spent, they dried off and dressed in time to hear a knock at the door.

They let Dad and Catarina in and saw their looks. Their very knowing and amazed looks.

"Wow, you boys do have a lot of sex! And so loudly, too. Sounded fantastic though." Catarina commented as she sat the donuts onto the table for them.

"Yeah, it was." Dean said happily and Sam just smiled back in response, shrugging as he cuddled closer to Dean to make room for Dad to scoot over so Cat could sit by him.

"Not fantastic, perfect as usual. Dean is perfect." Sam said with total confidence. "No one loves me like Dean does."

"Same here, Sammy." Dean agreed, totally confident, too.

"They always this mushy?" Catarina asked with an amused look.

"It's this or the sexual innuendoes, they only have two modes really. Lovey dovey or hinting at sex often and very creatively." John agreed then shot them a look.

"We'll do the innuendoes later." Dean teased and kissed Sam again, and Sam melted into it, but kept it brief and soft. "I love you, baby boy."

"Love you, too, D." Sam and snuggled closer. "So…tonight's a full moon, Dad." He said all business now.

"Yeah, we know where it kills them, the state park across the way." Catarina spoke up and pulled out a map, pointing to the spot of the last kills. "It's somewhere in here. The last kill was found there." She pointed at a spot close to a couple others dots.

"So we go check it out tonight." Dean said then asked, "We should check with the families, see what they have to say. Dad should do the cop station, maybe you could help him, Cat? We should announce our presence so the wolf goes for us first, to keep it after us and not some innocent guy." He bit a donut and held it out to Sam, who took a bite, sharing their food. "I like sticky stuff, D."

"Later, you nympho." Dean teased and went to clean up the table. "Come on, Sam, let's get changed. The first wit isn't far away from here. Dad, you riding with Cat?" He looked up from the closet and held out a suit for his Dad. John took it and then the boys went to their room to dress as he did the same.

Catarina changed in the dining area and soon they headed out. "Meet at the trailer at six o'clock." John said and they agreed to it. And soon they found themselves busy.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Six witnesses later, they agreed that the people had nothing in common. No connections. They used the library computer to check into each victim, none shared a common hangout or services that they used, except for the park, they were into the outdoors, and were wearing hiking gear when they were found.

Hikers, the usual werewolf choice of prey. Nothing new there.

So he called Dad. "Hikers, no link between them but that park, Dad. Mostly useless information but…we're heading back to the house, meet us there." Dean reported and waited to see how Dad's end had went.

"Same here, no links but…there were wolf tracks approaching them from the same direction every time. East always East, where there was nothing but abandoned fishing cabins and woods. For miles and miles and more damn miles!" John groaned. "We can't search it all, we'll have to just set a trap and get it to come to us. In its hunting grounds, of course."

"And the bait?" Sam asked rolling his eyes.

"Well, you, of course. You are the most irresistible morsels." John said and eyed them with amusement.

"Oh, no, it's your turn. We've done it the last three times." Sam objected.

"I kill them better than you." John laughed.

"Not true, we kill them just as good as you do." Dean added in his objection.

"What are you two, men or mice?" Catarina teased and she saw them smile, so handsome, like their father.

"Mice, definitely mice. And he never gives us our cheese." Sam joked and John shook his head laughing.

"Cheese…just do it, you idiots." John said and they nodded.

"Fine, but we insist on you paying for dinner later." Dean said and smiled.

Then they nodded.

Yes, they may be mice but…then again, they just loved to tease the cat, too!

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Hiking, they hated hiking. They'd learned this years ago but still…they did it. Following the trail and holding hands, pretending to be gay lovers out on a stroll. They'd stage a fight once they hit the spot around where most of the kills took place but for now they just enjoyed the privacy and time together.

"You know I won't mean what I say here soon, right? You won't be mad?" Sam said and Dean nodded.

"Me either. We just need to make it look good." Dean said, eying the moon overhead. "It'll be changing soon, get ready, Sammy. And, Sam, remember I love you."

"I will." Sam readied himself and looked up to see John and Catarina up above them in the trees, smirking. "Ready."

Both breathed deep and sent out their hunter radar, sensing it already.

"You bastard, you cheated on me…how could you!" Dean shouted and had to admit he sounded believable.

"Like you would notice! Always busy, you never took the time to see I needed more, he did. How can you say I cheated? You pushed me into it!" Sam shouted back and then it got going from there. Fictional lover 'A' fucked Sam and then Dean walked in, yada yada, and voila! Instant breakup…fictional lover 'A' wins the guy, good for him…Sam thought and waited, hearing the crashes nearby, coming toward them already. "I'm gone, you arrogant bastard! This was not my fault, you drove me to it. Go fuck your job, you seem to love it so damn much anyway!" Then he stomped off and then, when he was sufficiently far enough away, he stopped and waited behind a tree pulling his gun with the silver bullets in it out, praying Dean had his knife handy, too.

He felt a sharp scrape across his chest and cringed, ducking while firing, not caring if he hit it. It had went for him instead…he _really_ should have seen that coming. "Dean!" Sam shouted and he heard him running through the brush. He hadn't been that far away after all, so he knew he'd get here sooner. He saw the blood blooming on his torn shirt and fired as its teeth lunged at him, not even aiming. He just didn't want those teeth to touch him.

The claw mark was bad enough. He thought as a hand pressed a cloth to his chest. "I got it." Sam said grinning proudly before passing out.

"Yeah, baby, you did." Dean said with concerned green eyes on his lover's limp form. "You sure did." Pride took second place to worry at this moment, as he carefully carried out him out to the clearing, keeping the cloth to his chest. Catarina took the wheel while the Winchesters tended to Sam, driving to the trailer and leaving the body of the thing where it lay, already taking human form. She'd go back and burn the thing in a minute; they needed to get Sam to the trailer first.

She'd do the cleanup for this hunt.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Sam bit back a cry of pain as they poured the alcohol on his opened chest and then John checked for permanent injuries. "Just got the skin, cut clean through. Three long slashes, bastard had to be quick for Sam not to see it coming at him!" John said and began to stitch while Dean kept the other cuts and the one he sewed from bleeding too much.

Sam then passed out again from pain by the tenth stitch, a blessing in both his husband's and father's eyes. There were more stitches to come and this would take a while.

Catarina in the meantime wrapped the corpse in plastic and plopped it in the backseat, roaring away. Then dousing it with lye and oil, set it on fire behind an old water shed, knowing the fire wouldn't spread from there. The shed stood alone on sand, not grass. Not trees were even close either, and she'd made sure to destroy the camera from behind it to keep it from recording her approach first. Then she drove back. She wanted to make sure Sam was okay now.

He'd taken a nice slashing there and it had looked deep.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

She got inside and saw him bandaged, wrapped in white gauze along his chest and shoulder, the stitches were holding up well. He was out like a light and sleeping in their bed at the moment but she was relieved.

"He's going to have some nice scars from this." She noted and saw Dean look to the bedroom with worry and concern, regretting the words the moment she'd said them now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate you'd love him any less this way. I was just saying, sorry."

"I'll never love him any less." Dean said firmly and she saw he meant it. "We all got our scars, we live with them. I don't love him for being pristine skinned, I love him because he's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm lucky he chose to love me instead of some other dumb shit out there." He smiled a little now. "He'll need to take it easy for a bit but he'll be okay, we always are."

He eyed her beer and looked down guiltily before she realized she was missing something. "I bought us some beer…I hope you don't mind…" John's eyes shot to Dean who practically ran to the bedroom and he looked at her in frustration. "To go with supper, I got that, too."

She saw him sit by her and realized she'd fucked up. "What did I do wrong?" She asked. So John told her the truth, the blacking out, the drunk-loving between them, the realization and the wedding. He told her he was a former alcoholic and didn't drink anymore either. Avoided it except when he had to go to bars for cases. "Oh, no." she said going pale. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"That's okay, just…take it to your truck please? We don't allow alcohol in here, for Dean's sake. He's doing so well and having a hard time with it right now. It's an addiction he's still trying to control better." John said gently. "But come back in, I got some soda in the fridge if you want some with supper. You didn't fuck up, I should have told you ahead of time. I spaced it, sorry."

"Sorry, Dean!" She called and he peeked out looking tired, avoiding the beer in her hand still with his eyes.

"That's okay. Just…get it out of here, would you?" He asked then went back in the room. "Come back, you are spending the night and not in the damn car! Either of you." He said from the room.

Dean shot the morphine in Sam's vein and put it away, along with the antibiotic he'd already given him as well. Sam slept peacefully now and he cuddled him close, running fingers lightly over the bandages. "I don't care if you are scarred, you're still my Sammy and I'm keeping you." He whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek, laying his head on Sam's shoulder and contenting himself with just being close to the man he loved for now. Nothing got to take Sam from him! Nothing! If it did, it had to take him with Sam, because he wouldn't be without him. Not even a werewolf, the fucker! He traced the cuts with light fingertips and cringed. They'd cut deep but not so deep the stitches wouldn't heal them right. Sam's chest would take time to heal and he'd be sore though. They needed more medical supplies but they were okay for now.

He'd wanted that beer. So badly it shook him to his core. Turning away and running from a glass bottle had been hard, scared of a bottle but not a wolf trying to kill him, what a coward he was!

"Sammy, am I coward? It's only a beer, surely I can resist that…I'm so scared of hurting you…can't risk blacking out again. Won't do that again…can never drink again!" He whispered and Sam slept but he knew his answers.

'_Not a coward and, while it is only a beer, it's a slippery slope from that one beer to a bottle of whiskey for you. It's okay, don't drink. It's okay to run from it, it's best that you do for now.'_ Sam response echoed in his head. His usual response when Dean felt this way, chasing away his pain and doubts. And it still did. Dean breathed easier at that thought and knew he was strong enough to deal with this, brave enough to know when to run rather than make another mistake that could destroy his life and Sam's, just when they had gotten one. He didn't want to fuck it up.

If he did, he's sooner die than go on without Sam.

He jumped when John peeked in, looking serious. "You did good, son. You did the right thing. Being around it is bad for you right now but it does get better, easier to resist. I promise. I did it and I'll help you do it, too. I'm here for you. Come eat, she put it away in her truck. Supper is on the table." John said then eyed Sam. "He'll be fine. The drugs will keep him out for the night."

Dean nodded and headed to the table, looking embarrassed.

"John told me what happened and I'm sorry I brought alcohol near you. I didn't know you were quitting and blacking out is a serious side effect, so you should avoid it. I won't do that to you again, forgive me." Catarina said quietly. "I had no idea you had quit. Last I heard you still drank."

"I know, not your fault. Now you know…so let it go." Dean said and took the bag she offered. "Mmmm, bacon cheeseburger, a double! Dad, you should marry this woman, or I will! I love these things…Sam says I'd marry…." Dean caught himself here and seemed to freeze, his eyes settling on the door to their bedroom again. "He says I'd marry one if I could…" He finished hoarsely, sitting the bag down. Staring at the table now. Not touching the food.

"At least eat half, Dean. You're no good to anyone if you starve yourself." John advised and Dean began to pick at his burger, taking small bites and barely nibbling the fries, but still eating in John's book. Some food was better than no food, John knew that. Dean always did this, even when Sam was just sick with the flu. Worried his appetite away then John had to push him to eat something, but usually it was very little, like now. He hadn't expected him to eat much anyway; it was Dean's way when it came to Sam being hurt or sick.

"Thanks, Cat." Dean said and offered. "Please stay with us? I'm sorry about the alcohol thing, I'm know I'm coward about it and, with Sam out and hurt, it's so tempting to just drink a little… but it's never just a little for me, I will reach for more and I may hurt someone next time, probably Sam. I won't remember it and…that's no real comfort when I'm standing over his grave…now is it?" Dean said with sad eyes, laced with regret and shame. "Goodnight. I'm really beat, stay please?"

"I'll stay." Catarina reassured him. "I know you would never hurt anyone, Dean. Even blacked out."

"I fucked Sam for two years…told him I loved him and made him fall in love with me…didn't remember that…took his virginity…he was willing but it could have been rape and I'd have never known it. So…yes, I could hurt someone…I already have. I won't risk it being rage or something worse next time…I won't! I'd die first…I'd die before I took another drink, and that is the God's honest truth." Dean said as he headed in to the bed, eyes on Sam's sleeping form. "I won't."

"Dean…" she said sadly at his obvious pain. John had told her but to hear him say and see that pain there in his face and voice, she knew he was still suffering for what he'd done. She watched as Dean went in and slid the door shut behind him. "He's…he needs to talk about it more. Holding it in is eating him alive."

"I know but he barely lets himself talk about it. He's too ashamed right now, after all this time and all his happy fronting with Sam, he's still not dealing with it well." John admitted. "We're too close. He won't open up that much to us. He thinks we need him strong and past it when we just want to listen to him and help him through it, let him be weak for us, even though it costs him dearly to do so. Dean has never done 'weak' well, it's a flaw we all have, us Winchesters, even Sam."

"I'd listen, if you'll give him my number." Catarina offered, handing him a napkin with the number on it. "He can call anytime and I'll listen, I'll be there for him if he lets me be."

"Can I call you?" John asked shyly, blushing. "Anytime?"

"Yes, you can call me anytime, too." Catarina said smiling at him and taking his hand. "I hate to admit it and I know it's too soon but…I like you, John Winchester. And you excite me more than any man has in years. You turn me on by just being around me and I desire you. But…it's not enough for people like us, the 'permanent' sort. We don't do casual flings or one night stands. Sex means commitment to us, has to have emotion to it beyond just lust…I know that's true. I like that about you, about me, too." Then sighed, getting up to throw their trash away. "Let's go to bed, it's late and we got an early start tomorrow."

"We?" John asked curiously and she smiled a little in his direction.

"Got a nest coming up…thought you had nothing planned and figured I'd invite you before you just followed me and ruined my hunt again." Catarina teased him and saw John smile, blushing guiltily. Yeah, he was following her and she liked that stalker quality in the man. She even thought the idea of him pursuing her was the sexiest and most wonderful idea she'd ever thought about and wanted to encourage him to keep doing it more now. Him catching her was going to be even funner…once they got that far. "Guess I could take it on alone…Sleep in my car or motel room…"

"We'll help…got nothing planned!" John said jumping at the chance to be with her again. Not caring if he seemed needy or impulsive, or sappy, or like an over eager schoolboy! He wanted her and, if she wanted him around, he was damn sure going to take her up on it. "On one condition…" He offered smiling, knowing she'd accept it.

"What?" She teased with twinkling eyes. Loving the way he smiled and looked right now, so sexy when he was being impulsive! She thought and was aroused by it already.

"We cuddle. No, I didn't say sex. I said cuddle. You sleep in my room, in my bed while we hunt together. I won't touch you until you want me to. You control the pace of our relationship, not me. We'll go slow or fast, I leave that up to you. But I do want you to be mine, want you in a way I haven't hungered for a woman since Mary…and I'm not giving up on the chance of having that with you. So tell me there's no chance of it and I'll let it go, just be friends. Tell me." John urged and waited, anxiously hoping she didn't say it with bated breath.

"There's a chance, a really good one." Catarina said taking his hand and tugging him to bed. "Don't want to be friends. Want you to make love to me, but…for now…I'll settle for cuddling." She smiled back at him wickedly causing him to harden and smile back the same way as they shut off the lights and locked the door and windows on their way back. "I belong in your bed alright but…you're going to have to work for my body, I promise you that."

"I've never been against hard work." John grinned as he undressed now and lay there, waiting for her to join him. She was soon clad in only a tank top and underwear. John slept nude but she tried not to stare. Settling for admiring the view he offered with a teasing smile. "Like what you see?" He said with a arched brow and sexy grin.

"Damn straight, you sexy thing. Now scoot over, I'm tired." She teased and crawled under the covers, feeling him cuddle into her back and wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and sealing her to his side in one final move.

"You're very beautiful, Cat. Never seen anyone but…anyone so beautiful for a long time. You enchanted me as soon as I saw you that first time." John whispered in her ear, and she felt wetness touch her shoulder. He was crying a little…over Mary and over feeling just as strongly for her, she prayed he didn't think it was a betrayal of her memory or something, that would drive him away and she didn't want that.

"I may not be her but…" Catarina paused here to word it right. "I'm willing to be with you, just don't feel like she wouldn't want us to have this…that's not true. No wife who ever loved her husband ever wanted him to be alone and pining for her if she died on them… not the ones who really loved their spouses anyway. That would be cruel and real love isn't that cruel. It wants you to find happiness again, even with someone besides them. Don't back off from me because you think she'd not approve. That's all I'm saying. I'm willing to try with you, are you willing to try with me?" She asked and waited.

Feeling foolish for saying anything, she soon felt the urge to assuage his feelings. "I…." She began but was cut off.

"I want to try." John said softly, more wetness on her shoulder, prompting her to roll over to hold him as he cried for his lost love. "She'd want me to try with you. She'd like you very much."

Then she held him most of the night, until he was cried out. She reflected sadly that not taking the time to mourn did this to you. You held it in and didn't let it out to deal with it, and it came out like this, like it did with John. No one needed to tell her that Dean wasn't the only one not dealing with his past well, John was doing the same damn thing. And she really wanted to help them do it, to help heal this family…so strong and feared, so hated and mistrusted…but so in need of love and acceptance, too.

She would give them that.

If they let her in enough to do it, that was. Getting in was the hard part, once in she knew they'd let her help them, they'd trust her to do it. She just had to wait for them to do so. And she was willing to do just that…for as long as it took. They were worth the effort in her eyes, damn the others if they didn't see it for themselves.

Winchesters may attract more evil shit to them, that much had always been proven true, but that just meant they'd lost more than most had, and no amount of thinking that if they just stayed away from them, then maybe less evil would go after you, would change her damn mind! They needed someone to stick around like John had, like that Singer guy did, and like she would now, someone willing to see past the bullshit and heal them. Be there for them despite their issues.

And, yeah, she was just that person.

xxxxxxxxxx


End file.
